Becoming a mum in France was SO hard! I have asked myself if it was harder here than it would have been in the UK and I think the answer is yes. Why? because I didn’t understand any of the medical stuff, I didn’t understand the way the appointments worked, the private healthcare side, the admin side, the language around birth. I didn’t understand my antenatal classes, nor why it was just expected that I would have an epidural. I didn’t understand what I was being tested for when I had my Gestational Diabetes test, nor really why I had to have a monthly check up. All my friends in the UK saw a midwife occasionally and that was it. I didn’t understand how pregnancies seemed to be longer in France than in the UK – surely a due date was a due date wasn’t it?
And of course I dreaded my birthing day in case I didn’t understand what was going on. I tried to cram in some antenatal education in the UK over the course of one afternoon. It was good but was never going to tell me everything I needed to know, and it didn’t address the differences in care between France and the UK either. I wasn’t much the wiser really.
I really was a sheep when it came to my pregnancy and birth. I followed the instructions I was given and I never questioned anything. Mainly because I didn’t know the language to do so, plus I was pretty intimidated by the professionals – quick, efficient, brisk – kind yes, but with no English so our exchanges were basic and short.
When I passed my due date (at 41 weeks!) I was given a few more days before the doctors told me they would induce me. Again I knew nothing about induction, except for the fact I didn’t think I wanted it, but the day of my induction appointment my waters broke. They wanted to induce me anyway, and despite the fact I didn’t want them to I was just too scared of my lack of language and appearing to be a nuisance that I just let them. And that was the start of a very difficult labour and an eventual forceps birth, as well as a very long recovery and a low level of PND brought about by feelings of helplessness and lack of control.
However, It was also the start of something brilliant! Not only motherhood, but my passion to support other mums in France to not to have to be in the situation I found myself in, cascading towards a medicalised birth with a strong feeling of having been ‘done to’ not involved. And so I went on to become an antenatal educator, a hypnobirthing coach, a 3 step rewind facilitator (to deal with all those horrible negative feelings) and finally a fully fledged Doula.
As a Doula, it’s so rewarding to be able to support pregnant and new mums, fully educate them on physiological birth, explain what all the appointments are for, allay their fears and support them postnatally too, hopefully ensuring no-one else has to feel the way I felt during and after my first birth. If you feel like pregnant or new mum life is hard, contact me to talk it through and see how best I can support you to make life feel easier again.